Dear People Who Put their Seats Back on Airplanes,
I am currently sitting aboard flight 689 to Orlando via Spirit Airlines. I am squeezed in between a window and my loving boyfriend who has long, ape arms that cause his elbows to jut over the armrest into my side. My knees are hitting my tray because I would have been charged $45 to place my “personal item” in the overhead bin. My tray is crammed with the $3 bottle of water that I purchased from the “Spirit Skymart & Skypub” and my Macbook Pro. I can deal with these inconveniences; after all, I have to take full responsibility for attempting to save money by purchasing a ticket from Spirit airlines and I guess my boyfriend isn’t so bad either, when his bony elbows aren’t poking me in the ribs. My beef is with the individuals sitting directly in front of me.
I’d like to address you, mother and son, sitting directly in front of me. First of all, I’d just like to say that bringing McDonalds aboard a plane is in bad taste due to the fact it is literally like forcing all your cabin mates to suck in saturated fat flavored air. The scent wafts up and down the aisles and remains on the plane for the entire flight—this is recycled air, you douche bags. We aren’t harnessing a batch of fresh air from the air fairies. We have this air for the duration of the 3 hour flight and now it smells of McChicken and double cheeseburger. I feel like I just ordered off the McDonalds dollar menu when my dinner consisted of half a banana and some garlic bread I stole from Sigma Nu. Also, I saw you wipe your hands on the seat after you couldn’t locate a napkin for your greasy French fry fingers. Ew.
I could have forgiven you for your poor selection of food at 9:30pm at night and your apparent barnyard manners if it had not been for your next move. I’m not sure how the rest of you were raised, but my mother always taught me that it was rude to put back your seat on planes, especially on relatively short flights. The little additional comfort that it provides you seriously hinders the comfort of the individuals behind you. It is a dick move, especially when the flight is full and there isn’t enough room for everyone’s luggage. I wouldn’t have such a problem with it if you were an adult or an elderly couple who needed the extra leg room, but alas, dearest rude one sitting in front of me, you are a 5'2 pre-teen boy who is now currently munching on the #5 off the Skymart & Skypub menu which consists of 1 soda, 1 juice and 1 M&Ms. As I hammer away on my keyboard, your mother and you are more or less yelling at one another because you can’t hear her due to the fact you refuse to take off your giant headphones. I am not happy.
Since all I ever seem to do on my blog is complain about things that bother me when there are catastrophic events going on all over the world, please go here and donate money to Japan like I did earlier today. Anyways, back to my rantings. Let me take the opportunity to offend some more people. I have a proposal. Morbidly obese people should be charged more to ride on airplanes. If we are charged additional fees if our luggage weighs more than the allotted amount, I don't see why the 350 lb man to my far left can get away with occupying his seat and half of the poor lady's next to him without being charged more. Am I being insensitive? Probably, but I don't see it as being discriminatory. It just seems like common sense. If you weigh more, you pay more-- just like in every other realm of life. (Hopefully, they'll find a more tasteful way to advertise this) I don't have anything against overweight people-- and I honestly don't even see it like that, it is just the amount of weight you are bringing on the airplane. You. Your bags. Everything-- combined.
Disney World won't let you ride certain rides if you are over a certain weight. XXXL clothes tend to cost more because they use more material. And if you need to take up a little bit more room, you should pay for that room just like we are charged for everything else on a plane now and days.
I am prepared for some serious backlash to this post. Let's hear your opinions. Yell at me. Call me a bitch for thinking people who are carrying around extra weight should pay more. Tell me your worst airplane experience. Share.